I was just reading one my cousin’s blog. Berawal iseng karena kerjaan stuck, dan juga ngantuk serta laper, akhirnya gue baca itu. Sepupu yang satu ini gue gak begitu kenal, karena emang gue orangnya gak bergaul yee (yuhuuu).
Jadi, isinya tentang her life, with her daughter and husband. awal-awalnya cuma ngelyat post-postnya sekilas aja, foto-foto anaknya, dsb, dsb, tapi entah kenapa, gue tersihir…sampe ngelyat all of her post…then out of nowhere, i cried.. (yes imma cry baby)
I mean, she have a woderful life with her little family. Not because she’s rich..but I dont know, it’s seems like for her, whatever happen to her life is okay..as long as she’s with her daughter and husband.
I’m not the marry-kind-of girl. Based on ngelyat sekitar, I often see the failure of marriage. Cheating husband, poor life because lack of money, gak akur sama ortu/mertua… Gue bahkan pernah dengan sadar menyatakan: I dont wanna get married. I was afraid that I am not gonna be happy, after i decided to spend the rest of my life with someone. Gue takut, punya suami, nanti dia selingkuh and then we got divorce then Im gonna live the rest of my life as a widow.Gue takut, gak akur sama mertua, and the most of all..I’m afraid of having a baby.
No, it’s not that I dont like kids. I love kids, I love my niece Melody and my nephew Shaum. I’m just not good with children. Temen gue pernah bilang, “Muty mana bisa punya anak, jalan aja sembarangan yang ada kalo gendong anaknya ntar jatoh!”. Waktu itu gue cuma ketawa aja…but now it did hurt.
Im so afraid I am not gonna be a good mother. I know nothing about being mother. I mean, my mom did raise me good, but I dont know if I could be as good as her. What if, when I got kid, she/he’s sick and I don’t know what to do? what if after I give birth, my body will become bigger than now, then my husband will lost interest on me and find somebody else, prettier girl than me?What if my kids doesnt love me?
Gue pernah berpikir, oke then, maybe I am never gonna get married. I’ll live my life by working as a journalist, travel the world, make much money and spend it by myself. I was thinking..it’s oke to be alone, to have no responsibilty at all..
Tapi setelah baca blog sepupu gue tadi…It did move me. I wanna have babies. I want to get married, i want to start my own happy little family. I want to have responsibilty.
I wanna be like her, excited about her daughter’s growing up. Take a picture when she had her first walk, her first laugh..going to the zoo with her daughter and husband..I want all of that.
I want to live in the outskirts of town..in a small house, where my kid could play in the yard. I want to grow up as a mom, then hanging out with my friends and bringing my baby, show to them how cute she is..I want to go to the park, with my husband and kid, take some silly pictures..I want to learn cook, make some good food for my husband, and then laugh together when the food doesnt taste good..
Marriage life’s gonna be full of obstacles..but I think it’ll worth it :)
(But I know I’m still far from there, I wanna work, study, get my master degeree, and then after that, I can finally get married…not only with someone I love..but with someone I can’t live without :) )
Anywaayy..its her blog. check it out! thingamabobtales.blogspot.com/
